How to Support Others in a Pandemic

You might not be a mental health professional, but that doesn’t mean you can’t support others in a pandemic like Covid-19. There are some simple but highly effective ways you can help someone who’s having a rough time right now.

Signs of Mental Health Struggles During the Coronavirus Pandemic

There is a lot in the media about mental health lately – which is great. Increased awareness of mental health assistance (and, at least in Australia, improved access to these services with help from the government) helps to remove any perceived stigma around asking for help when struggling.

But what about the people who might not feel like they are especially at risk or struggling, but who still find this whole situation hard to deal with?

What about the majority of us, who are mostly fine, but sometimes are most definitely not fine?

If you are identifying with this notion of struggling a bit, but not exactly having a total breakdown, then imagine there are some people in your circles who might feel the same.

So, if someone isn’t entirely melting down, crying out for help, or otherwise showing a need for support, how do we know if they do need our support? And if they do need us, what do we do?

Well, I have a few ideas. These are by no means designed for any diagnostic purpose, but can go a long way when someone you care about is suffering the emotional impact of the Covid-19 crisis.

Firstly, here are some signs of mental distress to watch out for:

Verbal Cues.

What someone is saying is important too. But more tricky.

How often have you been asked “How are you?” and regardless of how you are, you reply “Well, thank you”?

It’s not being deceptive. But we do sometimes reply automatically, and so do our friends and family.

So listen to how interested they sound in what you are doing, or how much detail they give you when you ask them a question. Broad, bland statements might mean they are feeling a little blue.

Body Language.

That other giveaway of mood is body language.

Here I am mostly referring to posture. Slumped shoulders can indicate a low mood (or just poor posture – go back to point one if unsure), as can an “out of character” unwillingness to move about or go out of the home.

To show support to someone you care about during the coronavirus pandemic, be willing to look closely at what their body may be telling you.

Grumpiness.

Yes, that’s right. The cranky person is often the one finding things difficult.

Listen for constant complaining, overreaction to small inconveniences, and snappiness.

The angry-upset person is a great one to ask, “What do you need?” This focuses them back on themselves and away from blaming everyone else, which can help them to recognise that they are in fact, anxious or down.

5 Ways to Support Others in a Pandemic

So, if you think your friend needs some support, how do you give it?

1. When in Doubt, Ask.

Offering support to others in a pandemic can be as simple as asking how things are in their world.

I say this ALL THE TIME to clients – especially to couples. Rather than assume anything, ask the person how they are or what they’re feeling.

Call up a friend or a relative and just inquire how they’re doing.

“What do you need?” is an excellent question and often stops people in their tracks because they may not have thought of what they need, they just know they don’t feel right.

2. Listen HARD.

You can support others in a pandemic by becoming a mood detective.

People often “show” their mood by their speech.

Listen for a flat, monotone voice, or a speedy, too-fast conversation. As well as content, these cues can be valuable clues.

I have a family member whom I speak to often and can tell how well or otherwise they are feeling by listening to the tempo (speed) of their speech.

3. Tea and Sympathy.

Or a wine and a whine, a beer and a laugh. Supporting someone through the pandemic might be as simple as hanging out with them.

Spending time with someone else can be great “therapy”. You are of course not expected to be a therapist. But you will be helping your friend to remember that they have support and that life isn’t all bad (because it usually isn’t totally bad, though for sure, it can feel it). Just listening can do wonders for someone who is finding life hard right now. Even the grumpy one.

What’s more generous than a bit of your time and your ears? If you’re separated geographically, you can do this on the phone or video chat.

4. Send A Care Pack.

Got someone sad in your life? Why not cheer them up with a little goody bag!

It doesn’t have to be much, just a little something that says you are thinking of them.

My family and I sent a care pack to some of our family in Victoria (and the pets) with little bits and pieces and a card just letting them know we care. A couple of dog treats, a few beauty samples I had in a drawer, some chocolates, a face mask.

If you have small kids, they could do some art to send to someone. Who doesn’t love getting something made by a kid?

5. Laughing All The Way.

You can totally use humour to support others in this pandemic. Funny stuff is so uplifting!

I love having jokes sent to me by friends. It shows me they understand my sense of humour and makes me feel “seen”.

My sister once sent me a cartoon she cut out of a newspaper. It’s in my wallet. Mostly I forget it is there but when I see it, I laugh every time and feel her love for me.

With email and social media so accessible, you can share funny posts without much trouble, and it might brighten someone’s day if you tag them or address it to them personally.

Suggest Professional Help if Necessary

Please remember this blog is not designed to help you diagnose anyone, but can help you recognise if someone needs a little extra TLC. And if the extra TLC doesn’t seem enough, perhaps suggest they engage in some professional help.

Knowing that you care will definitely help, even if the person is not able to tell you that themselves.

Pandemic Sanity Strategies: 12 Tips to Support Your Mental Health in the Covid-19 Crisis

Staying Sane in the Coronavirus Pandemic

What’s your pandemic sanity strategy? Have you intentionally created some kind of plan to nurture your mental health in this time? Or are you winging it and hoping for the best?

None of us could have imagined the situation we currently find ourselves in. And while you may have accepted the reality of the Covid-19 pandemic on one level, you might be experiencing some feelings of “unreality” from time to time.

This will be especially true if you are in a lockdown situation (hi Victorians – hang in there), if you are separated from loved ones (like many of our expat guests are), or you’re feeling a serious financial impact from all the recent changes.

The Importance of a Pandemic Sanity Plan

Not only are many of us feeling the tangible and practical impact of the virus pandemic (lockdowns, restrictions, finances), there is also the very real impact of uncertainty. Knowing so little about Covid-19 and what the future looks like is a big part of the reason that mental health support services have seen a significant increase in demand.

So, how to navigate these times?

I have put together a list of 12 tips for maintaining pandemic sanity during a crazy time that has no discernible end.

1. Clean Thyself!

Even though you may not be leaving the house much (or at all), please make your daily ablutions a non-negotiable.

Put on the deodorant, take care of that skin, and DEFINITELY brush those teeth.

Not only does bathing constitute a necessary part of functional, healthy living, it FEELS GOOD too. Even when you are feeling BLAH, drag yourself to the bathroom and cleanse yourself – you are sure to feel way better afterwards.

2. Get Dressed!

If you are working from home, or going about your usual day, be sure to get into some “real clothes”.

What are real clothes?

Something that you would leave the house in. CLEAN clothes that you wouldn’t be embarrassed to answer your front door in.

Why does it matter what I wear?

Just as we feel more confident when we are dressed in our favourite outfit, we feel more positive when we are wearing something that smells fresh.

3. Move!

Yes, you heard me. Get moving. In the house or out of the house (preferably – if you can).

Movement (especially high-intensity exercise) is mindful. When we are mindful, we are connected to our physical selves and we are less lost in our thoughts (and our anxious brain). Doing this gives your brain a break from all the thinking and it can only focus on the exercise (or we trip over etc).

4. Good Vibes Only

No, I haven’t gone all hippie on you.

I am suggesting that you try to avoid the energy-suckers. Who are the people who drain you? Who complains a lot? Who tells you life is all negative?

It might be a family member, a friend, a colleague, a neighbour, the person on talk back radio or television.

Whoever it is – stay away from them for now. I am not saying you need to exit them out of your life (well, maybe the radio, social media, and TV people who spout opinions rather than facts), but just put them on a less regular rotation. See less of them or engage with them less, for now.

Instead, seek out the positive people, watch the silly upbeat program, listen to some music you love.

5. Drink More Water

Yep, you’ve heard it all before. BECAUSE IT WORKS.

Drink more water and notice how you have more energy, are less reactive, sleep better, and are less likely to snack (how close is that fridge when you work from home!).

If you find water boring and blah, try noticing how it feels when the cool liquid enters your body and goes down your gullet into your stomach. If you really tune in, you can feel it. Then notice how your body starts to feel more awake and alive a few minutes after having a (large) glass of water.

6. Change ONE Thing in Your Diet

You don’t have to do an overhaul or the dreaded detox but make a teeny tiny adjustment to what you eat.

For example, you might like to eat less meat. You could choose one type of meat to eradicate from your diet (rather than going vego overnight).

Or perhaps dairy is causing you some trouble? Take out one dairy snack.

Too much caffeine? Have one less coffee each day.

These tweaks seem small (and thus, doable!) but they can pack a big punch.

Imagine if you altered one aspect of your diet each week. How would it look at the end of a fortnight, a month, 6 months or a year?

You would likely have an enviable diet, and – even better – an enviable mental health state where calmness and serenity reign! Aaaah bliss! Pass the almond decaf latte…

7. Do Something for Someone Else

It may seem counterintuitive to do something for another when you are feeling down or stressed, but trust me, it is a great antidote to a low mood.

Helping another doesn’t have to mean an ongoing commitment, great tracts of your leisure time, or doing something you hate. Choose something that feels manageable, and do that:

Call a friend you know is finding things tough and ask how they are.
Pick up some rubbish from your local park or beach (wear some gloves and don’t do this if you are in a lockdown situation!!).
Indulge a hobby (in the guise of helping others) like I am (I am doing Knit for Cancer using the beanie and scarf patterns they supplied online). It’s a double bonus – you feel good for helping someone who can never thank you, AND you get to do something you enjoy.

8. Try Something New

Try something different that you don’t usually do.

This is a great way to get mindful, and being mindful is a great way to get away from overthinking and all the issues that brings.

Doing something that isn’t part of your usual routine means you will be more inclined to focus on it and lose yourself in it, rather than habitually going through the motions. It could be learning a new language, taking an online course, painting, reorganising or cooking a new recipe.

It might not necessarily be something you have never done, but might be something you haven’t done in ages.

During Lockdown 1, I (and nearly everyone else, it seems) did a few jigsaw puzzles. I have done these before of course! But I hadn’t done one in a few years and it was almost obsessively good fun! I couldn’t stop!

One of my sisters (in Victoria, bless her little cotton mask) tried it out and loved it. She sent me a photo of her completed “masterpiece” and laughed about how she may have slightly neglected some other duties in order to complete said puzzle!

9. Workday Boundaries for Pandemic Sanity

For many of us, long gone are the days of “bundy on, bundy off” where we clocked on and off at work. But when we work from home, we need to have a ritual that tells us when it is time to be active and “attend” and when we can switch off and relax.

I have heard plenty of people talk about bosses and colleagues emailing way after hours requesting this or that. It can be quite disruptive, even if you don’t immediately respond, to know there is someone waiting for you to do something.

Protecting yourself from this means creating effective boundaries around when working after work is warranted and when it isn’t.

For some of us, this is evident but with some jobs it is less clear, so you need to create that clarity for yourself. Once you have that established, you can then choose when to look at work emails and when to let these wait until the next work day.

If you are working from home, you might like to have a morning ritual (after your daily ablutions and dressing in suitable attire) such as going to a cafe for a pre-work caffeine hit.

Or if you are less “free” (hi again, Victoria), you might like to walk around the block to “work”, and at the end of the day, walk in reverse back “home” (as in, back the way you came – not as in walk backwards!).

These might seem a little silly but it will give your brain a chance to hit “reset” and get into work mode or relax mode more easily.

The walk to work can be dedicated to thinking about the day ahead, or the workout you just had, or how great your new matching tracksuit and hoodies look with your runners. The walk home can be about processing your work day, thinking of what you might eat for dinner (with the adjusted eating plan mentioned earlier – remember no large overhauls here), or what to watch on Netflix.

If you have kids staying home, no matter what their age, you can take them with you (or leave them home if there’s someone to look after them or they are old enough to be left alone so you can have a break from parenting for a few minutes). This may help them to get used to a new ritual to signal the end of the school day.

10. Bedtime Rituals for Pandemic Sanity

When it is time for bed, please establish a bit of a routine for getting ready for sleep.

Dimmed lighting signals to your brain that it is time to release the sleep hormone melatonin, so try having fewer lights on for an hour before you want to hit the sack.

If you are working in your bedroom (or studying), pack away your “tools” and remove all reminders of what else needs to be done.

Have an extra glass of water, or a warm drink if that is your thing (but still have the water – you will sleep better).

If there is a book you are reading, consider leaving 20 minutes or so at the end of the day to get through a bit more of it.

I never do any work when I am in bed but I might:

Write out a supermarket shopping list into my phone
Scan my favourite fashion website for a few minutes to see what is new
Play Solitaire (antiquated, I know)
Then read until I feel too sleepy, and it’s “lights out”.

All of these little rituals let my body know the work of the day is over and it is time to “power down” and recharge.

11. Meditate

I mention meditation in many of my posts because IT IS AWESOME!

Meditation down-regulates our central nervous system and helps us to achieve a sense of calm and wellbeing. What’s not to like about that?

Maybe you feel like you’re pretty chill already. Well, so did I. Then I learnt to meditate and my chill is now next level. It is like MAGIC the way it makes me feel. And this experience is known by meditators around the world. We aren’t making it up.

If a meditation course is not available to you right now, try an app or an online guided meditation. It doesn’t really matter how you meditate – just do it and you will feel the benefits.

12. Acknowledge the Difficulty

This is a weird time. Even the most zen person is going to be feeling challenged right now.

Some people I have seen (professionally or in my personal life) are openly anxious about the pandemic. Others are denying it is having an effect, or reverting to the “first world problems, right?” type thinking where we minimise our experiences and anxiety.

Try to sit with the knowledge that there are aspects of this pandemic that affect EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US!

Sure, you might not have an elderly relative in a home where there is an outbreak (or you might, but I hope not). But you might be missing seeing friends, a planned trip, a packed bar (or a nightclub – remember those?).

Every person is missing something. Some have lost businesses, some have lost jobs, some have lost loved ones. Even if your story is not the worst one (and it rarely is), please take time to nurture your soul with some care, acknowledge that it sucks to miss X, Y, or Z, and be okay with feeling annoyed and inconvenienced by this thing over which we have little control.

This is self-compassion. When we are self-compassionate, we are more able to show compassion to others, and that’s a bonus!

Let’s lose the judgement as much as possible and be nice to ourselves and nice to our fellow human beings. We are all struggling at different levels and about different things but THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!

What Are Your Pandemic Sanity Strategies?

I hope these pandemic sanity strategies offer some support and relief if you are finding this time difficult to deal with. Perhaps you have some other mental health strategies that have helped you throughout the Covid-19 crisis so far? I’d love to hear them! Write to me in the comments below.

Meditation And Your Brain

Meditation On Your Mind?

As a Psychologist, it was only a short leap from knowing nothing about meditation to getting curious about meditation and the brain. After all, reprogramming the mind in order to help people is what we do. And this is also what many claim meditation can do too.

Investigating the Effects of Meditation on the Brain

You might be aware that last year I learned to meditate. I became a bit of a zealot afterwards and had to try to curb my enthusiasm because it seemed that meditation was all I could talk about or think about!

Well, I still do my twice daily meditations (okay, at least once daily, and twice on most days), but now I am more curious about why it works so well.

So, I did some research and here is what I found.

How Meditation Changes Your Brain

Meditation and your brain are best friends. With regular meditation, the following changes in the brain can be seen:

Meditation leads to greater activity in the left pre-frontal cortex.

The left pre-frontal cortex is the part of your brain that takes care of rational decision-making. Increasing activity in this area can translate into more calm responses when under stress, such as when you are having an argument or feeling confronted with a dramatic situation. These are great times to be rational.

Meditation causes shrinkage in the amygdala.

The amygdala is your “fight or flight centre”. Fear lives here. It’s the primal area of your brain that interacts with the pre-frontal cortex (where higher order brain functions take place) to determine your stress response.

A shrinking amygdala can mean you experience less fear. Less fear can mean less anxiety and this can only be good. It means your brain is more likely to defer to a more thoughtful response than a primal, knee-jerk fear response, meaning you are better able to respond to stressors.

Meditation thickens the hippocampus.

The hippocampus is important for learning and memory. A thickening hippocampus corresponds to improvement in both of these important brain functions. We could argue that learning and memory abilities are vital for our entire life.

Learning and remembering are important when we are young and at school, important whenever we learn a new skill, and very important as we age. So meditation can help slow cognitive decline as you age.

Meditation increases grey matter in the brain.

Regular meditation leads to an increase in overall grey matter. Lots of grey matter in the brain might sound like a bad thing, but grey matter actually heightens the brain’s processing power and it declines as we age.

Speed of processing is a factor in intelligence. It is a bit like getting a computer upgrade so it “thinks” more quickly. Studies have shown that not only does meditation preserve grey matter in the brain, regular practice also enlarges areas of grey matter.

Meditation Is Like A Workout For Your Brain

Take note that some of these changes happen within weeks of starting mediation practice and others take some years to appear. But each time you meditate, you are training your brain into better shape – just like each workout you do gets your body into better shape.

It won’t happen overnight but it will happen!

Meditation Alters The Brain Almost Immediately

Even though many of these large meditation benefits take regular practice to manifest, some of the clear benefits of meditation happen from the first time you meditate.

The activity in your brain waves alter each time you meditate. Meditation reduces some brain waves types (the bad ones), and enhances others (the good ones).

Meditation’s Impact on Brain Waves

Beta brain waves

Beta waves are reduced during meditation. Beta waves are the ones which increase with goal-oriented behaviours and have us feeling alert but not relaxed.

Alpha brain waves

Conversely to the above, Alpha waves are increased as our brain relaxes from intentional, goal-oriented tasks. Increased Alpha waves is a sign of deep relaxation.

Delta brain waves

Delta waves are characteristic of sleep. These types of waves are reduced during meditation, suggesting that the relaxed state does not mimic our sleep state.

Theta brain waves

Meditation increases Theta waves, which indicates relaxed attention. Theta waves signal to other areas of the brain to physically relax our bodies. There is some evidence to suggest that these Theta waves stay increased for up to two weeks after just one 15-minute meditation!

Gamma brain waves

Finally, we come to increased Gamma brain wave activity. Gamma waves correlate with increased awareness (mindfulness) and feelings of bliss.

Meditation’s Impact on Self-Esteem

In addition to these brain wave changes, research has shown that meditation leads to a higher congruence between your apparent self-esteem (how self-assured you say you are) and your actual self-esteem (how self-assured you actually feel). This means you are more aligned in your inner and outer worlds, and have a greater sense of “self”.

Starting Your Own Meditation Practice

So, there you have it – short-term and long-term gains from meditating. For those of us who already have a regular meditation practice, we know it makes us feel great, and I hope this encourages some others to give it a try.

If you don’t know how to get started, or need some help staying consistent, maybe you could try a meditation app (like Calm or Headspace), or see if there is a meditation challenge you can join (I am doing one for 30 days, and the day I signed up for it, I was emailed about another one!). Google “30 day meditation challenge” and take your pick!

Just like starting an exercise routine, it is important that your new meditation practice can fit with your life, so choose something that works for you.

Tips for Meditation Success

Whenever we wish to introduce a new habit to our lives, it is helpful to remove as many barriers as possible.

Set a realistic time to meditate

If you are used to waking up at 7am, you are unlikely to succeed in establishing any new habit that demands you wake up at 4am. This is also true of meditation. Choose a time that works with your lifestyle.

Set a realistic time limit for meditation

Think about how much time you can devote to meditation each day. Some apps have guided meditations that are as short at 5 minutes, which might be a good place to start.

Start small. It’s a bit like beginning with a 20-minute jog when you are commencing training for a 10km fun run. Just like with a workout, there really are no “bad” meditation sessions, so meditating for even a short time will give your brain some benefits and will make you feel better than you did before it.

Create a plan to meditate

If you were starting a new fitness routine, it would be difficult to get excited about going to the gym if you had no idea what you were going to do when you got there. The same can be said for meditation. When you sit down to begin, will you launch an app? Press play on a YouTube video? Do a body scan? Knowing how to begin is important for your success.

Be kind and drop perfectionism

After some workout sessions we feel invincible, but with others we feel a bit “meh”. You still did the workout so you still get the benefit.

Meditation is the same – you will experience some meditations that feel really “deep” and others that are less so. This is okay. You will have gains from doing it no matter what you deem the “quality” of each meditation session.

There are loads of ways to meditate, and I encourage you to explore your options and get started.

Contact us today to book your first therapy session at The Bondi Psychologist.

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Marriage and Lockdown – Challenge or Opportunity?

How Do Marriage and Lockdown Work in the COVID-19 Crisis?

Marriage and lockdown was not a combination we would have ever needed to consider just a few weeks ago!

Well it is pretty weird, this lockdown and working from home business, isn’t it?

If you and your partner are working from home, this adjustment might be presenting some new issues such as who works where, being quiet when video or telephone meetings are happening, and even, what’s for lunch?

These are things that most couples do not have to deal with during the working week. (Those of you who already both work from home can laugh at the rest of us, smug in the knowledge that you have it all worked out already…)

The Challenges of Working From Home With Your Partner

My husband was sent home pretty early in this coronavirus pandemic so we have had quite a while to get used to things. But, boy was it a struggle for me at first!

He is frequently on phone calls which meant I had to be quiet (and keep the doggos quiet!).

I realised he has a “work voice” which delighted me no end and led to snickering conversations with my sister.

There was never any food left in the house because all three adult males were home for every meal ALL THE TIME! And the kitchen was showing the signs of this continual meal prep (eye roll).

Seeing The Positives of Marriage in Lockdown

The challenges that my husband and I initially identified (who will work where) have been largely resolved.

We have established a new routine. On the mornings when I am not at my office (as a Psychologist, I am an essential service provider and although all my sessions are now online, I conduct them from the quiet of my therapy space) we enjoy later morning dog walks (hooray) as his travel time no longer gets factored in to our morning routine.

We take turns making morning or afternoon tea (coffee!).

There is a renewed understanding that home life has to continue even if one of us is on the phone. That means no more grumbling if our dogs bark at the postman (still happens – every day), the vacuum cleaner is being used, or if we are both on work-related phone calls (thankfully we have rooms and don’t live in a studio apartment!).

The Radical Changes to Family Life During Lockdown

Out of what was initially looking like a challenge (mostly for me because I am used to having the house to myself when not at the office) turned into an opportunity for my husband and I to better understand one another’s work world, to make room for our professional peccadillos, and to generally show more patience with one another.

My sons who are both at University struggled with the removal of all socialising initially, but they have also adapted. They are spending more time together. For the first time in years, evening meals see all four of us seated at the dining table. We are doing jigsaw puzzles together. Playing board games. We got a dart board and I beat them all (and I will never let them forget it – humility is not my strongest trait).

Marriage and Lockdown Might Be A Wonderful Opportunity to Grow Together

If you and your “loved” one feel more like you and your “tolerated” one, perhaps you can look for the upside in this new set of circumstances?

Are you sleeping a little later and finding you don’t both race out of bed to a shower or exercise class and therefore have some time for a relaxed morning chat? How is that changing how you understand one another?

What does that slower pace allow for, in terms of detail of communication and understanding?

Are there more opportunities to dine together? What is it like to have breakfast and lunch together each day?

Are there more opportunities to have a laugh?

Can you and your partner schedule a break and debrief about the latest in each other’s work day?

My wonderful virtual assistant (who makes all the magic happen behind the scenes) and her partner challenged themselves during work days to come up with the most awkward “water cooler” conversation they could think of when they passed each other in the hall. [Yes we did, and the best we came up with was “Hey, did you know that Norman Swan is not an actual bird?”]

These are all opportunities to achieve a closer connection, an intimacy previously reserved only for colleagues, a chance to peek into a facet of your partner’s life you are not usually privy to (due to confidentiality restrictions for me, this means my husband always gets to be the one to talk about work).

Discovering Things About Your Partner That You Dislike

But what if you don’t like the “professional” side of your partner?

What if you find them rude or abrupt with co-workers when on the phone or video-conferencing?

What if they are slightly sycophantic with their boss?

What if they are a total stress-head at work and you never knew?

How do we reconcile this new knowledge of a partner who has attributes that were previously unseen, and which we do not like?

Disruptions and Coronavirus Stressors

What if your partner’s job means they are on the phone ALL THE TIME and you never get any quiet around the house?

What if you and/or your partner are out of work? How is this impacting on your relationship? Are you arguing more? Are you both laying awake at night worrying about how to get some cash in?

What if you have kids who are being home-schooled? Who gets to sit with them (from all accounts from those around me, parent supervision is totally necessary to help kids navigate new online lessons)? Who has to take time off from work for minding the toddler?

Self-Care Might Be Harder During Lockdown

There is plenty to argue about and plenty to worry about right now. Not least of all a potentially deadly virus that is easily transmissible.

Never before has self-care been so vital. But do you have the space to do what usually works for you? With more people at home, there is less space for exercise, meditation, or even just sitting quietly with a book.

It can be a challenge, particularly if your space is small, or you don’t have any outdoor space (or it rains).

Opportunities to Strengthen Your Marriage in Lockdown

What are some ways you and your partner can come together in this challenge and create an opportunity?

There’s a wealth of opportunities for connecting over a shared experience. This is why people from our childhood, our siblings, or anyone we have experienced something with, is special to us – we shared a life event that means we understand one another a little more.

We can share this COVID-19 pandemic event with our partner.

Shared Experiences Enhance Connections

Talk to your partner about the ebb and flow of the anxiety you are currently experiencing.

Talk about the challenges and upsides of trying to work throughout this crisis – or if it applies, the stress of being out of work (while it might be nice for your body to have a rest, your mind is constantly stressed about finances or career concerns for the future).

Use the kids’ home-schooling as an opportunity to have a laugh (maybe when the kids are in bed – we don’t want them feeling like a burden) about things that were said or how annoying it is that each lesson ends with “discuss this with a parent”.

The more we share these experiences, the more we give our partner a way to connect with us and join with us. It is highly likely that they are experiencing something similar to you.

Accept Your Feelings and Look for Silver Linings

Can you acknowledge to yourself that you feel annoyed with your partner at times, make room for that feeling, and choose to respond in a way that conveys understanding or acceptance?

Can you find some silver linings in relation to your romantic relationship during these times?

What are some of the upsides of the coronavirus self-isolation measures you have noticed?

Couples’ Counselling Can Help Your Relationship Survive the Coronavirus Crisis

If you find that your relationship during lockdown is under strain, consider getting marriage counselling.

Both myself and my colleague Elaine Lopis offer relationship therapy. Our therapy sessions are currently conducted online via video calls (or phone if you prefer).

Book your couples’ therapy session online today.

Free Resources to Help During COVID-19

Free Resources To Help During COVID-19

There are so many free resources to help during COVID-19 around at the moment. It’s really heart-warming.

I have been amazed by the generosity of people and organisations since the coronavirus became a blight on our globe.

I’ve seen everything from free yoga sessions to free meditations to free seminars on surviving isolation.

Disasters Amplify Our Humanity

As with most times of crisis, we are seeing the best (and the worst) of people.

I am choosing to focus on the best.

With that in mind, I have decided to open up some more compassion for those who are displaying selfish and thoughtless behaviours, being abusive to service providers (and young supermarket staff!), or who are being racist towards people who have Chinese heritage or are Chinese.

I summon this compassion by remembering that fear is guiding a lot of people at the moment. We are all feeling it, to different degrees.

Coronavirus Fear Responses

If you are anything like me, you are cycling through feeling okay to feeling a bit (or a lot) freaked out. I find that about once a week I feel overwhelmed by all the sadness, the deaths, the missing out on XY or Z that means a lot to people, the worry about my own people, and the general anxiety that comes with not knowing what will happen next.

I have discovered that my best antidotes to this feeling of pandemic overwhelm are my usual practices of twice daily meditation and daily exercise. And, when things are really feeling bad for me, I focus on what I can do for someone else.

Focus On Helping Others During The Coronavirus Pandemic

With helping others as my mission, this week I recorded a how-to video to show others a technique for self-soothing on the spot (scroll down!).

I also made soup for two of my elderly neighbours – one Christian, one Jewish. This was fun as I discovered I can make chicken soup for one, and the same chicken soup for the other and just add matza balls! Et voila – I catered for both with one recipe! It also meant I learnt what matza balls are made of (matza meal and egg) and that I can create these.

The take-home? I don’t need to learn a new language to gain a sense of accomplishment from the lockdown (my goals are easier to reach than that!).

Some Of The Best Free Resources To Help During COVID-19

Back to the free stuff.

There is a plethora of great “coronavirus survival” resources available and I thought I would link to some of those here, so that you have them on hand.

The resources I have chosen have been well-researched to aid with stress and anxiety, to calm our central nervous system, and to soothe our souls (okay, that’s more anecdotal evidence, but give these things a try and see if you don’t feel better…).

Free Online Yoga Classes

For free online yoga, Yoga with Adriene offers 30 days of yoga starting with beginner classes so that you can ease your body into some pretzel shapes without injuring yourself. Her Yoga for After Disaster class is especially soothing and she also has an entire playlist called Yoga for Uncertain Times that is so very helpful right now.

Yoga has been shown to decrease cortisol (the stress hormone) levels and soothe our central nervous system.

Free Meditations

Free meditations are available at Headspace. Mediations are between three and 10 minutes and there are a few to choose from so that you can stay engaged.

Peace Out has some great meditations for kids, who are probably finding all the changes, the isolation, and the absence of their usual routine pretty tough to deal with. Meditation also reduces the stress hormone cortisol, and has also been shown to reduce Beta waves in our brain (which means we are relaxing deeply).

Calm is also offering a range of their meditations for free. You can also download the 2020 daily Calm calendar for a tiny mindfulness challenge each day.

These are great meditation resources, and I hope you try them out.

Australian Psychological Society: Loneliness and Social Isolation in the Time of COVID-19 Online Event – Thursday April 23, 2020, 8pm AEST

For those of you who live alone, or are not especially connected to others in your home, this can be an especially trying time.

The Australian Psychological Society has recognised that loneliness and isolation are real issues for many people. The APS has pulled together a free public event which you can register for here.

I suggest you take a look and please, pass this on to any of your friends and family who might be interested. It doesn’t happen until the 23rd of April, which I am guessing is by design as by then we will all be sick and tired of wearing PJs to work and talking to the pot plant!

Free eBook: How To Respond Effectively to the Corona Crisis

Russ Harris is a generous man and he is also an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) guru (and he taught me). He has offered his eBook, Face COVID – How to Respond Effectively to the Corona Crisis as a free resource. I suggest you take a look. This advice will help move you out of complaining and despair and into a more functional space where you can effectively respond to your current life and its challenges.

My Video: Self-Soothing Technique For Anxiety and Difficult Emotions

And not to forget, here is a video I made of a self-soothing technique anyone can do during the COVID-19 crisis or whenever they feel overwhelmed.

This simple technique is an EMDR method for relieving distress. It replicates what occurs in the body during the REM phase of sleep, when we do most of our emotional processing.

Again, please feel free to share this with anyone you think may benefit from it, but don’t forget to give it a go yourself.

Your Recommendations?

What are some of the best free resources to help during the coronavirus pandemic that you’ve come across? I would love to hear what helpful offerings you’ve discovered so that I can share them with others. Let me know in the comments below!

Working From Home During The Coronavirus Crisis And Staying Sane!

Is Working From Home During The Coronavirus Crisis As Good As It Sounds?

Working from home sounds great. For many of us it may ordinarily be a weekly or a “sometimes” occurrence.

Working from home does have its advantages:

It gives you a chance to work out at a different time than first thing in the morning or late at night after work
You get to avoid the commute (and save some cash on that)
You can spend time spent with your pet
It makes the school/day care pickup much easier.

Working from home represents a change from the usual – a point of difference in a normal work week. Until recently the work-from-home scenario was something to look forward to, something to enjoy and revel in when you realise you can sleep in a little longer than usual.

The Challenges of Working from Home During the Coronavirus Crisis

But what now?

Because of widespread lockdowns, quarantines and mandatory self-isolation, many of us are working from home during the coronavirus crisis. (Please know that I recognise that many have lost their jobs, which is way more stressful and will be addressed in a separate post.)

Many of us have quickly discovered that the monotony of home life will not, for some time, be punctuated by sneaking in a coffee break with a mate at the local cafe or going to a mid-morning exercise class.

Even popping in to a store to grab some groceries can be stressful.

So what are we to do???

Covid-19 Cabin Fever

I am facing this challenge myself today as I write this. I am sitting at home and I feel a little tetchy.

It’s been some days since I felt it was okay to go to an indoor group exercise class so I am missing the people I normally chat to there (I do exercise but I like a chat before and after – I work alone largely, don’t judge me!).

My husband and I are getting up earlier to walk our dogs and avoid being around too many others at the beach promenade, so we are missing out on the incidental chats we would have with other dog owners, cafe staff etc.

And I miss my friends and catching up for a coffee or a meal.

I thought about going to the shops for some retail therapy (not supermarket) and decided that would be irresponsible.

I have a bit of cabin fever already. AND THE HARD PART HASN’T EVEN REALLY STARTED YET!

Staying Healthy During the Coronavirus Pandemic

Since we will be at home more than ever, it’s so important to get serious about committing to healthy habits that will nurture our physical and mental health.

Here are some of the things I am doing for my health:

I have been exercising at home to at least maintain this important habit (for my mental and physical health)
I am cooking more (I baked my first loaf of bread today!)
I’m planning some reading (there are a few books lined up).

Staying Socially Connected During the Coronavirus Pandemic

My wellness habits keep me busy and my life varied but they don’t really meet my need to socialise. I love to chat.

So my neighbours and I have been spending a lot of time on our street (1.5 metres apart) talking over the past weeks. This will continue as long as it isn’t raining, but what do we do if it does rain? Who am I going to see?

Well, probably my extended family. I am going to have to get used to Skyping family and friends (I have lived abroad before and it is a fine way to stay connected).

Working and Playing at Home: Boredom and Isolation

I need to adjust my expectations for what each day will provide. We will all have to make adjustments. No doubt you will find yourself about to duck out on a simple errand, or visit a friend, and then realise that you can’t.

Not anymore, not for a while.

I have a pretty low-key life so it won’t be a huge difference in the evenings for me. But for the single people who like to mingle (sorry, couldn’t resist) it will be tough, for the young adults and older teens it will be like torture, and for those already feeling quite isolated, this time could be quite a challenge.

We need to think creatively to get through this. Isn’t necessity the mother of all invention?

My meditation school has taken to Zoom to do group meditations and this has proven a big hit. My Pilates studio is doing live Zoom classes for us to follow from home (it starts tomorrow – I am sure it will be fab). Virtual dinner parties have already become a thing.

Creative Ideas for Staying Connected During Coronavirus Lockdowns

What can you engage in that keeps you connected to others?

Can you:

Organise a virtual board games night for people from different locations (massive opportunities to cheat but it might add to the fun!)
Hold your own virtual yoga where you all follow the same online class
Organise a group gaming party if you have a games console with connectivity to others?

What ideas do you have about staying socially connected during a lockdown? Have you tried anything yet? I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments below!

Book your online therapy appointment at The Bondi Psychologist today.

Coronavirus Anxiety: Staying Calm and Focusing on Mental Wellness During the Covid-19 Outbreak

What’s more highly contagious than coronavirus? Anxiety.

What Does Coronavirus Anxiety Look Like?

Well, governments around the world are responding to the very real threat of COVID-19 by introducing ever-changing measures to manage the spread of coronavirus. Some governments are taking stronger actions than others, but the global population is experiencing this tension as one.

Here in Australia, supermarkets shelves are emptying, businesses are sending people home, cafes won’t fill our eco-friendly keep cups for fear of contagion, and many of us face weeks working from home.

We’ve Seen A Rapid, Huge Shift In Our Daily Lives

Coronavirus is highly transmissible. For some it’s even fatal.

The threat is real – experts say that most of us, or at least a large proportion of our population, are likely to catch the virus over the coming weeks and months.

Hand Hygiene and Social Distancing

So, we have gotten the message.

Most stores have hygiene stations with hand sanitiser at their entrance to help reduce contamination. People are keeping a greater distance from one another when conversing on the streets. Large public gatherings have been banned, and some parents are keeping their kids home from school.

It is heartening to see that as a whole, the general public understands the risks of this illness and are acting in accordance with recommended protocols to keep ourselves and others as safe as possible.

The Social Impact of Coronavirus Anxiety in Australia

But how are we feeling about this once-in-a-generation global health crisis?

I have been describing the feeling “out there” as having a hum of anxiety – similar to, but at a slightly higher level than was present when the eastern parts of Australia experienced bushfires over the 2019–2020 Christmas/New Year period.

There was no break between these two intense crises.

In fact, they overlapped. When our bushfires were at their worst, buried quietly beneath that media frenzy was new information about the novel coronavirus that had emerged in Wuhan, China.

Coronavirus did not reach Australian shores until 25^th January 2020, just when most of us were beginning to breathe a sigh of relief that the worst of the fires were over.

What this means for Australia is that we have experienced an extended period of collective anxiety that appears to be ramping up.

Different Responses to Covid-19 Fear and Anxiety

Individually, we all have different levels of tolerance to this collective anxiety.

If we:

are prone to feeling anxious
are unwell or caring for someone who is immunocompromised or vulnerable
have other major stressors happening in our lives at present (relationship breakdown, exams, career worries, unemployment, financial concerns, to name a few)

… then it’s likely that coronavirus anxiety will be having a greater impact on us.

Imagine a scale from zero to 100, where 100 is our maxed-out anxiety level, and zero is the Zen state of a Tibetan monk with a belly full of fruit. Each of us will escalate up and down that scale at different rates, dependent on our own anxiety levels and our calming methods.

People’s different responses will become evident now. You may find that you can identify clear signs of anxiety in people you hardly know – signs that they would likely otherwise have kept to themselves, or at least revealed only to those close to them.

The reason is that their anxiety is being exacerbated by the collective anxiety.

Or maybe you are the most anxious person you know? If so, you will be finding these times particularly difficult.

How Do We Deal With Coronavirus Anxiety?

In three main ways: Compassion, compassion, and more compassion.

What we need to show to ourselves and to others is compassion.

I have seen people ridiculing others who are highly anxious about coronavirus and who are being hypervigilant (they may yet prove to be the most level-headed of all!).

I am saddened by the lack of compassion and understanding of another’s crippling anxiety.

Still others are likely feeling anxious, but denying there is a need to prepare for quarantine, and this is a different approach not unlike an ostrich burying its head in the sand in the face of danger.

Hypervigilance And Complacency Are Both Anxiety Reactions

These are two sides of the same anxiety coin. One is vocal and obvious, the other is also vocal but less obvious.

No matter where you or those around you are on the anxiety spectrum, try to muster up some compassion.

What does coronavirus compassion look like in everyday life?

If someone needs you to wash your hands or stay further away than you feel is necessary, perhaps just do that so that they feel a little less frantic and that they have at least some control over the situation.
If someone is wearing a mask at the store or in public and you think this is an overreaction, understand that the mask may provide them an added sense of protection (or they may be sick themselves, and protecting you!)
In instances of aggression or violence such as what we have seen in stores, compassion can look like a small, silent moment recognising their behaviour as the result of fear and stress. This does not mean that this behaviour is acceptable or excusable. What it means is an inward understanding that this wrong action does not necessarily define the person. It’s turning away from judgement and toward compassion, which is a small but powerful decision to make.

If it is you who is feeling a bit “freaked out”, reach for self-compassion:

Forgive yourself for the feeling and open up to it.
Remind yourself that we all feel anxious at times and this is a big one for you.
If you can, do something that makes you feel more calm.

How I Am Personally Dealing With Coronavirus Anxiety

I meditate twice daily, I exercise (and I have plans to take this online at home when required), I eat well (or well enough). I do all of these actions in less frantic times too and they truly help me.

As I feel more anxious presently, I am finding that focusing on helping others soothes me (it is probably a distraction, but I am forgiving myself for that) so I will continue to do that.

I have in-home projects lined up to keep me busy (and loads of books!), and I have even started to imagine a daily routine I may employ when needed in a quarantine period.

This planning helps me feel that I am controlling what I can in these uncertain times.

Therapy Can Be Enormously Helpful For Coronavirus Fear And Anxiety

If you are experiencing anxiety, fear or trauma at this time, please seek help. Having the support of a psychologist or other mental health professional can make a huge difference to your stress levels and mental wellness – for some, therapy is critical.

Social distancing does not mean that you can’t see your therapist, or start having therapy. Many psychologists offer online virtual counselling (such as Zoom) so that you can still have face to face therapy via video link.

At The Bondi Psychologist, all our staff members offer virtual counselling. Meet our therapists.

Even better, online counselling is now eligible for Medicare rebates if you are:

70 or older
Immunocompromised
Pregnant or breastfeeding
Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander
Living with disability.

Regardless of current your current health or vulnerability, we can offer online sessions to all existing and new clients. All you need is a computer or smartphone, a good internet connection and a quiet space where you can talk uninterrupted.

Call The Bondi Psychologist today on 0404666604 to book your virtual therapy appointment.

Now Your Turn!

What are you doing to plan for COVID-19 and how are you feeling about it?

What makes you particularly worried at this time?

What can you do differently to help you to feel more calm?

How can you show yourself more self-compassion?

How can you show compassion to others?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.