Individual Therapy | The Bondi Psychologist

The Importance of Managing Stress

Managing Stress Is Difficult In This Era Of Overwhelm

We lead incredibly busy lives with work, family and social demands competing for our attention. Most of us are left with little time or energy to reflect and refocus on our personal life and wellbeing.

Seeking Balance Can Add To Stress

We try to pack more and more into our day in search of balance – I’d better get in my exercise, my daily meditation, shop for healthy food, spend time with my family, stay present with my kids, catch up with my friends, stay in touch with others via Insta or Facebook or SMS as there’s no time for talking.

All these things are necessary or at least part of our daily routine. So why does it feel so hard to stay on top of it all?

Reducing Stress Is Not So Simple

We know we can improve our mental health by reducing stress levels, finding a balance between work and private life and focusing on our life goals. But it’s easier said than done.

It’s a cruel paradox, or perhaps hilarious irony, that our extensive efforts to reduce stress can often lead to more stress. None of us need more stress in our lives.

High Stress Can Feel Normal

Identifying stress can be complicated in itself.

When we are operating at high levels of stress, many of us don’t notice how we are actually living. While we may have a vague notion that we need help, often we postpone it until we’re seriously affected.

Counsellors and psychologist are often shocked by the increasing number of clients feeling isolated, with low mood, and lack of confidence. These factors cause people to socialise even less, reinforcing the sense of separation and isolation, which then feeds back into the malaise. Stress then increases even further.

How To Manage Stress

Managing stress is key to good mental health and also physical health. So it’s comforting to know that there are ways to relax and get some perspective. It’s important to reduce unnecessary and repetitive tasks to focus more on inner wellbeing and interpersonal connections. This is something that mental health counsellors can help you with.

Therapeutic Approaches to Reducing Stress Symptoms

Psychologists have many resources available for clients experiencing distress from their busy and complicated agendas. Remember, it is OK to say I am not OK.

There is a wide range of techniques psychologists can teach you as part of your therapy that can have enormous benefits for reducing stress, such as:

mindfulness
breathing exercises
being in the present moment
training in focusing the mind
releasing negative associations
stopping automatic thinking and symbolism
acknowledging the true self
openness
altruism.

These techniques among others can help you to:

reduce the adverse effects of stress and anxiety
motivate and lift your mood
bring back that energy to cope with an increasingly demanding lifestyle
regain control of your own decisions
feel more confident in life.

With a stronger mind and appropriate self-esteem, you can feel more certain and confident about your choices.

Sharing And Connecting For Stress Reduction

As we all live and interact with the broader community, we can rely on others to offer support. There is a great sense of relief in sharing your story and asking for help, and it also feels great to help others. Knowing someone is there for you can make a huge difference in your day and in the bigger picture, your life.

Need help managing stress? Book your appointment with Alec Gisbert at

The Bondi Psychologist today.

What Are Your Values? – Quick & Dirty Therapy Tips

Have you ever wondered, what are my values?

Perhaps you have an idea that having strong values will help to guide you through your life, but so far you’re not sure what those values are?

Tapping In To Your Values

One way of figuring out which values are most meaningful to you is to think about what you would like to hear in your own eulogy.

We’re not being morbid. Don’t get caught up in fear of dying! That’s not the point.

But imagine for a moment that you are attending your own funeral, and listening to the tributes that your loved ones are saying about you.

Start At The End And Work Backwards

Instead of asking “what are my values”, ask “what’s the legacy I’d like to leave behind?”

What do you most want people to say about the life you’ve led?

Look At Different Aspects Of Your Life

Think about this in terms of four main areas in your life:

Work and education. What strengths and passions did you exhibit in the workplace, in your career, in your quest for knowledge and skills?
Relationships. What kind of friend, parent, sibling, partner and colleague were you?
Personal growth and health. How did you nurture your spiritual and physical self? What nourished your soul during your time on earth?
Leisure. What creative or recreational activities did you adore? What hobbies and areas of interest inspired you?

Working backwards from your vision for what you’d like to be recognised for at the end of your life can provide a strong sense of what your values are.

For a quick exercise to explore your values further, try the Life Compass worksheet from ACT Mindfully by Russ Harris.

For deeper work, ACT therapy may be for you. Contact us at The Bondi Psychologist to book your first session.

Contact us today to book your first therapy session at The Bondi Psychologist.

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First Therapy Session Anxiety – Quick & Dirty Therapy Tips

First therapy session anxiety is oh-so-common.

Sometimes, fear of starting therapy can hold you back from taking that first step for many years.

There are two main factors at play in therapy anxiety:

Taking action requires a decision and a commitment. (It’s something that can fall to the bottom of the to-do list day in, day out for years.)
You feel like you don’t know where to begin.

Addressing the procrastination is up to you. Make the time to make the call. The rest of your life is on the other side of that first appointment!

To alleviate first therapy session anxiety a little, firstly, know that your therapist will guide the initial conversation. They do not expect you to have all your concerns neatly summarised in 1–2 sentences. You will be nurtured through the process.

Secondly, I find that contemplating these two questions can help you overcome anxiety when seeing a therapist for the first time:

What do I want to change in my life?

How do I feel?

These two basic questions are an excellent place to begin your therapy journey. They’re also great to fall back on in future therapy sessions if you feel stuck.

Contact us today to book your first therapy session at The Bondi Psychologist.

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The Power of Human Connection

It’s Psychology Week!

From November 11 – 17 2018, the Australian Psychological Society is promoting the theme of Connect to Thrive for this annual public awareness initiative.

The Importance of Interpersonal Connections

Human connection is imperative for our mental health. Like many animals, we are social beings and our wellbeing depends strongly on our connections with other humans.

In an age where we are becoming more disconnected from each other, loneliness and isolation are proving to be insidious contributors to the rise of mental illness, even correlating strongly with the presence of negative physiological effects such as inflammation.

Human Connection Starts by Connecting to Our Own Inner World and Feelings

What does it even mean to connect to yourself?

Aren’t I already connected? How can I not be connected?

When we talk of connection to self we are really talking about being fully conscious and aware of the feelings we experience throughout a day or a moment, during a difficult period in our lives, or a fabulous life milestone or achievement.

When we are connected to ourselves, we:

acknowledge our emotions
know where our emotions are coming from and what they relate to
understand how our emotions correspond to a personal value that’s honoured or neglected.

This is meta-emotion – thinking about our feelings. This is what all the noise about mindfulness is – getting in touch with how we are thinking and feeling, knowing why we feel that way, and what we can do or not do about it.

On the flipside, when we’re disconnected from our self, we still experience emotions but we don’t understand where they’re coming from or why they’re here. Often we become reactive, even acting out in ways that are hurtful to others.

Being disconnected from ourselves leads to us making decisions we are unhappy with, or being unable to make a decision because we don’t know what we want. We make choices that ultimately make us feel unhappy, ashamed, disappointed, or trapped.

How to connect to self via your values

The only way to rectify this is to go back to who you are at heart – what your values are.

How can we do this?

A quick way is to imagine you are 100 years old. You are tired and ready to leave this life. Everyone you love is by your side and they are saying how wonderful you are. They are really singing your praises.

What you hear is music to your ears.

What are they saying? What are the words they are using to describe how you were in their lives and what you contributed to their happiness?

Remember, this is not what you think they might actually say, but what you most hope would be said about you. This is a good indicator of how you want to move through your life, and tells you what you value most.

This gets you connected to your values. Once you get more familiar with these values, you can then start to recognise emotions that arise when these values are upheld, or are dishonoured. This is what connection to self is all about – knowing what you feel and why you feel it.

Human Connection in the Family

Amongst family members who are disconnected, we see a disjointedness, a lack of cohesion and an apartness that is more than individuation. It tends toward estrangement in proximity.

Miscommunications will be high in such a family, where meanings are interpreted incorrectly and not adjusted for, where needs of the members are unnoticed, and where values are not honoured.

From this disconnection we get souls who feel un-nurtured and unloved. This can play out in an individual who lacks the ability to connect with others in the wider community. It can have a negative impact ranging from unfriendliness to outright hostility, depressive symptomatology and self-harm – even suicide.

Disconnection is the idea of being alone in a crowded place, where you do not feel you belong. It is possibly the loneliest feeling of all.

If you feel this describes your family, consider consulting with a family therapist or Psychologist.

Connecting With Your Partner

Similar to within a family, in a romantic relationship where there is a lack of connection we have people feeling awfully isolated. They feel unheard and misunderstood, their needs are not acknowledged and certainly are not met.

People who have extra-marital affairs often cite disconnection from their partner (and hence connection to another) as a reason for their straying. Infidelity is rarely about sex (though lack of physical intimacy is another way we can become disconnected).

A disconnected couple is usually what I see in my practise. But please take heart that there are many highly effective, proven approaches we can take to help you heal. Learn more about our relationship counselling here.

Human Connection is Essential For Us All

For successful human connection, we must first be connected to ourselves. When we know what our values are, and can readily identify our feelings, we are better placed to connect with others – be they colleagues, partners, family members, anyone at all.

So how do you figure out your values? At The Bondi Psychologist, we focus strongly on identifying your core values and we then show you how to use them as your guiding light throughout your life.

Find out more about individual therapy here.

Enjoy the rest of Psychology Week 2018!

Are you experiencing loneliness? Therapy can help. Book a Psychologist online at our Bondi Beach clinic, or book a Skype appointment with our virtual Psychologist from anywhere in the world.

How Do I Find The Right Therapist For Me?

Deciding to have therapy is the hardest part of starting your therapy journey. You’re halfway there. Don’t give up now!

The next challenge is to find the right therapist for you. There are so many different kinds of therapists: counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, each with their own unique skills and focus.

So you may be wondering, how on earth do I find the right therapist for me?

To Find The Right Therapist, Ask Yourself These Three Questions

1. Do I need specialised therapy for a known disorder or condition?

If you’ve been previously diagnosed with a condition such as PTSD, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder or an anxiety disorder and you want ongoing help to manage your condition and/or medication, consider seeking out a therapist who specialises in your condition.

In this instance, start with your GP and ask them for a referral for the most appropriate type of professional for you.

You can also visit the Australian Psychological Society website for a listing of registered psychologists.

For many of these disorders, medication will be required and you may need to consult a psychiatrist before you start therapy. Otherwise, you will base your choice more on the next two questions.

2. Does gender matter?

Some people feel more comfortable with a therapist who’s the same gender, or even the opposite gender.

If this is true for you or even if you think it may be, acknowledge this preference and embrace it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with insisting on a therapist of a specific gender.

3. Can I get a personal recommendation?

When starting to search for a therapist, you might like to ask family and friends (if they live near to you) for recommendations.

Of course, just because a therapist is perfect for one person does not mean they are ideal for everyone, but the people in your circles may have had positive results with a therapist and they can talk to you about why they like this person.

Word of mouth between trusted friends and acquaintances is the most powerful type of referral so if you’ve heard good things about a therapist in your area, that is often a good place to start.

Now that you have some clarity, your search begins.

The Right Therapist is Accessible

The location of your therapist’s clinic is an important consideration.

Travel time to and from home or work to your therapy sessions can have a huge impact on your ability to commit, and therefore the likelihood of real change and healing.

If you struggle to fit in your appointments because the bus takes an hour in each direction, or if it costs you a $50 cab fare each time, you may find it difficult to keep attending.

Sometimes the opposite is true – you may seek to attend therapy in a location further away from your area because of a strong desire for privacy and anonymity.

That’s ok if that’s what you need, but be careful not to let shame govern this decision. Remember, seeing a therapist is not a sign of weakness or illness. Many happy, healthy, functional people attend therapy (and therapy is possibly why they are happy, healthy and functional!)

To set yourself up for success, find a therapist in a location that works for you, your schedule and your lifestyle. If travel or mobility are issues for you, consider online virtual counselling.

The Right Therapist Is Easily Contacted

Before we get into this, please note that I am not implying that your therapist should give out their personal phone number and be on call night and day.

This is specific to that time when you are searching for a new therapist. To find out more about them and the services they offer, you should not have to work too hard.

In this information age, the internet is an invaluable source of information. Ideally your therapist will have easily accessible information available on the web.

Your first port of call might be their website or the website of the practice where they offer services. Hopefully, you’ll find details there on their special areas of interest, their schedule and availability, fees and payment methods as well as contact details.

Ideally there will also be an “About Me” section where you can find out even more about your potential new therapist.

If there is no website for the counsellor you’re interested in, you might want to research them in the following ways:

Call them! Some (but not all) therapists are happy to talk on the phone prior to booking your appointment. Having a direct conversation is a powerful way to assess not only if they are well-placed to help you, but if you like their energy and personality. (Note: if your therapist is not able to receive direct calls, this is not an indication that they are not right for you. They are likely very busy with a reception team to field calls, and this is the sign of a successful and popular therapist!)
Check Facebook and LinkedIn for their professional name. Some therapists may put their information on these platforms rather than have a website.
Drop in to their clinic and have a chat to their receptionist.

If you are struggling to make this first contact or get a response, keep searching. A good therapist will not make it hard for you to connect with them. If it’s a struggle just to get started, they may not be the right therapist for you.

The Right Therapist Is Someone You Can Talk To

The first therapy session is an opportunity for both you and your new therapist to get a feel for how you will work together.

Of course, your therapist will invite you to speak about the reasons for your visit and what you hope to achieve. You might leave with some homework or a tool to try out, and you may immediately feel the optimism of progress.

As well as practical advice for changing your life, you will also get a feel for how your therapist responds to you on a natural, instinctive, human level – outside of their training as a professional. Yes we have extensive skills and education, yet we are human beings with quirks and personalities the same as everyone else.

Not every human is well-suited to connecting deeply with (or even being in the same room as) every other human.

This means that after your first appointment, if you feel that the vibe was off, the connection wasn’t there or if you downright irritated each other, it’s perfectly ok to try another therapist.

You should emerge with the feeling that you’ve been heard.

Your therapist should convey empathy, and a willingness to help you through your challenge.

You should go home confident that you’ve just enlisted a new team member who is on your side, or at least feel the potential for strong support from this person.

You should absolutely not feel judged, ridiculed or shamed.

Often it takes two or three or more sessions to really make up your mind. But listen to your intuition too.

If you emerge from session one feeling certain you do not want to attend session two, make an allowance for the notion that this might not be the therapist for you.

This doesn’t mean you stop trying to find the right therapist – keep going. But give yourself permission to try someone new.

Be careful not to use this as an excuse to sabotage your efforts though.

If you’ve attended appointments with ten different therapists and concluded they are all not right for you, the problem may not be the therapists!

To Find The Right Therapist Quickly, Start Looking Now!

Using the tips above, you should now have an idea of what kind of therapist you are looking for, how to find them, and how to tell if they are right for you.

The sooner you start earnestly searching for your therapist, the sooner you will find them and the faster you can make progress.

We often see people coming in for psychological treatment who have delayed getting help for many months or years. They have been afraid, but they don’t know exactly what they are afraid of.

Usually, we find the fear is just accumulated procrastination. They know they want to seek help, but it doesn’t seem urgent or life-threatening so taking the first step keeps falling to the bottom of the to-do list.

After all, there are always reasons not to make that first appointment – lack of time or money being common reasons.

So “find new therapist” becomes an unaddressed task that floats around causing mild stress, because even though it doesn’t feel urgent, it’s not going away either.

The unpleasant feeling builds, and so does resistance. It turns into fear. But because it’s largely dismissed, the person isn’t even sure what they are afraid of.

Now, on top of the life challenges they’ve been facing, they have the added stress of inaction.

Does this sound familiar?

Taking that first step of booking your appointment is in itself a therapeutic action.

Even though you may feel nervous about seeing a counsellor, try booking an appointment.

Do you notice a feeling of relief? A sense of momentum?

No more delays. It’s time. Book here at The Bondi Psychologist, and let’s find the right therapist for you.

25% Off Your First Therapy Session At The Bondi Psychologist

It can be difficult to find an affordable Psychologist in Bondi or anywhere in Sydney. At The Bondi Psychologist, we know that therapy fees can be a barrier for getting started with counselling.

We also know that while Christmas, New Year and silly season are promoted as a time of joy and celebration, for some it’s the toughest time of year.

It’s not always easy dealing with family. The pressure of gift-giving and shopping can be overwhelming. Most of us spend way too much and end up panicked about finances.

And of course, new year spins around before you know it. You wanted to have a plan for starting your new year refreshed and on top of things. You were determined to find the time to reset and renew.

The reality? New year’s resolutions out the window. Plummeting health from over-indulging. A depleted bank account. And pure panic that the wheels are in motion for yet another year of wondering when you’ll have time for self-improvement.

Book Your First Appointment Now and Get Ahead for 2018

That’s why we are offering you 25% off your first therapy appointment in Bondi when you book by February 28, 2018. It’s that little extra push you need to get started on your new life this new year.

At our psychology clinic in Bondi, our qualified Psychologists offer:

Individual therapy
Couples’/relationship therapy and marriage counselling
Adolescent therapy
Weight loss therapy
PTSD and trauma therapy.

Our therapists are compassionate, discreet and highly skilled. We offer counselling in our Bondi clinic and online via Skype.

How to Take Advantage of This Offer

Read about The Bondi Psychologist therapists, and use the contact form on your chosen Psychologist’s info page to contact them and make your booking.

Alternatively, contact us on 02 9290 8520.

Mention this offer when you book your appointment and we will take 25% off your first booking fee.

We look forward to seeing you soon and helping you unlock the life you want.

What Are Your Values? How to Live with Purpose

A common complaint of clients in my practice is that they feel “lost.”

They have no direction, or don’t know what they want in life (other than a vague desire to be “happy”).

Some are having a huge struggle with making an important life decision, others just feel a sense of “meh” about their life – they experience neither joy nor deep sorrow. They’re flatlining emotionally.

It’s a really horrible state to be in and it is distressing for many.

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